Dear Mary: I’m deeply unhappy in my marriage and dream about leaving — my husband’s answer is that we need to have more sex

"We have no sexual, physical or emotional intimacy. I just am not attracted to him in mind or body." Graphic: Getty

Mary O'Conor

I am very unhappy in my marriage. We have been married for 10 years and had three children in quick succession. I realise now I didn’t really know my husband before we married, and perhaps we were never compatible. We have muddled through but are trying to cope with a lot of outside stress on top of young children.

We have no sexual, physical or emotional intimacy. I just am not attracted to him in mind or body. I fantasise about leaving but worry about the effect it would have on the kids. I haven’t spoken to anyone about my unhappiness — sometimes it feels so crippling carrying this burden alone. I’ve tried to speak to my husband. He says we just need to have sex more. But I can’t bring myself to initiate it. I see so many happy couples and berate myself for the position I’m in. I would so love to feel happy in my relationship instead of alone.